Sorry to pull you away from white people paying millions of dollars to scam their kids into school, but I need to talk.

So I am taking promotional photos for my EP cover, and a friend, granted a friend that I have been keeping at arms length, is doing it. Now I communicated my whole vision to her. Sent her mood boards. Told her my color pallet, what I wanted. We’re supposed to be taking these photos on Sunday. Today she’s like this is the shade of green you I got. And it is nothing like the shade I had talked to her about for weeks. And it’s even more upsetting because I kept talking about how my color scheme is all pastels, so wouldn’t it stand to reason that I would want my background to be pastels as well.

Now I think it’s extra raw b/c she had already been a bad a friend, but it’s such a bad time for this to happen, because of another falling out I had with someone. So I am re directing her to all the stuff I sent to her and reiterating in general what i wanted, and she’s getting testy I can tell, but ugh.

I keep feeling like I have to apologize for my personality, and I hate it so much. I hate feeling like a bitch for insisting that my creative vision be executed in the manner of which I’d seen it. I hate feeling like no one gets me creatively. I hate being called mean. I hate being told that I am too intense. I am so over that part. Most of all I hate this sense of loneliness. this feeling and observation of remembering everyone and everything and being there day or night and then that energy is never returned. I hate it and I hate it I just hate it.