A Space for People of Color, By People of Color. Be Cool.

All By Myself, Don't Wanna Be...

Sorry to pull you away from white people paying millions of dollars to scam their kids into school, but I need to talk.

So I am taking promotional photos for my EP cover, and a friend, granted a friend that I have been keeping at arms length, is doing it. Now I communicated my whole vision to her. Sent her mood boards. Told her my color pallet, what I wanted. We’re supposed to be taking these photos on Sunday. Today she’s like this is the shade of green you I got. And it is nothing like the shade I had talked to her about for weeks. And it’s even more upsetting because I kept talking about how my color scheme is all pastels, so wouldn’t it stand to reason that I would want my background to be pastels as well.

Now I think it’s extra raw b/c she had already been a bad a friend, but it’s such a bad time for this to happen, because of another falling out I had with someone. So I am re directing her to all the stuff I sent to her and reiterating in general what i wanted, and she’s getting testy I can tell, but ugh.

Advertisement

I keep feeling like I have to apologize for my personality, and I hate it so much. I hate feeling like a bitch for insisting that my creative vision be executed in the manner of which I’d seen it. I hate feeling like no one gets me creatively. I hate being called mean. I hate being told that I am too intense. I am so over that part. Most of all I hate this sense of loneliness. this feeling and observation of remembering everyone and everything and being there day or night and then that energy is never returned. I hate it and I hate it I just hate it. 

Share This Story

Get our newsletter