A Space for People of Color, By People of Color. Be Cool.
A Space for People of Color, By People of Color. Be Cool.
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He says “I think you’re sweet.” My mind says “He’ll never love you.”

So, there’s a guy who likes me. And I keep on asking myself what the hell does he see in me?

Illustration for article titled He says “I think you’re sweet.” My mind says “He’ll never love you.”
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You see. If you know me, you know I’m realtively non-descript. I’ve got an average body, fat/overweight in my personal opinion. I’m in a major that’s all about Human Services. And I don’t have much talent tbh. People know who I am at school, but I’m not popular, if that makes sense. I also have Autism, and possibly depression and anxiety, which led to me taking time off school for a bit before restarting. I haven’t had a “real” job, because taking care of my grandma, is a full time prospect. I’m a 23 year old who is late, left behind, and not up to the standards of my peers. But I keep on going.

And yet he still finds me “sweet, and cute.”

Illustration for article titled He says “I think you’re sweet.” My mind says “He’ll never love you.”
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He’s several years older. He’s a graduate student. He’s already got a degree. He’s had successful relationships. He’s smart, sensitive, and isn’t afraid to be emotional. He’s intense, loving, and incredibly sociable. He comes from a family who has money, and he’s extraordinarily generous. He has stability, and a perfect body. And he has all the other Gay and Bi dudes at school who want him, and who are far more suited for him, and more attractive than I.

And yet. He gravitated to me.

Illustration for article titled He says “I think you’re sweet.” My mind says “He’ll never love you.”
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I can never explain why. How could someone with more European features, with a defined nose, wide eyes, and angular features, and who has muscles and is the epitome of desirable eurocentric beauty at my school. Desire someone whom has small eyes, a flat face, a nose without a bridge, round features and whose body is foreign to this land, and is shamed in society. Nowhere to the degree that women and femmes are shamed for their appearance, but still shamed nonetheless. How could someone with the most sound of minds, go against the wise men, and want one whose brain travels a mile per minute, and scatters itself in all directions. How could he see my past, and see the abuses. And yet overlooks the obvious.

Illustration for article titled He says “I think you’re sweet.” My mind says “He’ll never love you.”
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I don’t know. I don’t know if I deserve it. But I think I don’t deserve it. But why me? What do y’all think? Why would he feel this way?

Illustration for article titled He says “I think you’re sweet.” My mind says “He’ll never love you.”
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But maybe I’ll stick around and find out.

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