Ahem.

Assholes are only visible during doggystyle, on women who’s asses are as flat as a hardwood floor. If you’ve got something that you call “cheeks” back there, and he’s seeing butthole, then you actually have one of the following going on: a crack in your lower back, rather than a butt, or he’s prying your closed, round butt open with both hands, OR you have the combo of a highly placed butthole & no cheeks (you are the people spraying shit on the wall above the public toilet, rather than in it).

I had to address this since the royal “we” was used in the OG article. If you got an azz to back up, I’m talking to you. Butthole faces the bottom of the toilet? High five (after you wash your motherfucking hands). Some of us have that little waist with the round thing in your face, & if anyone wants to see our goddamned assholes, we’ll know it’s on purpose from the sweaty, desperate hands fighting against those muscle cheeks. There is no accidental butthole sighting going on over here.

That’s all.

(Carry on my way-ward son. There’ll be peace when you are done. Lay your wea-ry ass to rest. Don’t you pry no more....mm-MM-mm-mmm -mm-hm-mmm-hm-mmmm-Mmm-Mmm....)

Don’t even act like you didn’t try to hum along. You could look in a lot of different butts during a song that lasts that damn long.

Advertisement