Vroom-vroooooooom! Yesterday, Takuma Sato, a Japanese racer became the first Asian winner of the Indianapolis 500, traditionally a redneck spectacle of fiery crashes, drunk spectators, and confederate flags. He just signed on to race with Andretti Autosport for the 2017 season- and won. Congratulations on getting out of that gathering with the prize, and your life, Mr. Sato.

He’s married, and has two children. I know you wanted to know. That’s right, go ahead and cry it out. It’ll be okay.

There’s a cow giving side-eye right out of view of the camera.