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The Last Black Jedi

Spoilers for The Last Jedi Below.

So my friends and I went to go see The Last Jedi, these are their thoughts. Presented without comment.

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BFF1: I guess black women aren’t allowed to be jedi.

BBF2: Black women be performing jedi mind tricks all the time. They be jedi mind tricking ni**as into confessing when they cheat. So already this movie don’t make no goddamn sense. But it’s a white girl so...

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BBF3: They determined that black women were too difficult to be allowed lightsabers.

BFF1: Michela Coel! Damn that was short. She barley got that line out before they were like CUT

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BFF4: If Rey was black girl, the second she saw luke all wrapped up in his white man feelings, she woulda been like, “Imma take these books, read them figure this shit out, and then teach it. Because I don’t really have time for whatever you’re doing right now. peace”

BFF3: Kylo Ren = tiki torch dude + Jared Kushner

BFF1: It’s another white lady general. I bet it’s a whole team of black women resistance fighters that are low key already rebuilding the republic and have cloaked the planets Wakanda style...

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BFF2/4: WAKANDA FOREVER!!!!

BFF1: and that’s where all the black women are.

BFF3: It’s a Asian girl!!!! Thank God, cause this whole movie was finna be trash.

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BFF4: Wow they really only let Michela Cole say that one line. Damn.

BFF1: She went off to join all the other black women resistance fighters on wakanda 2.0. The only reason she joined them in the first place is cause the other white lady general, told her that the other black women resistance fighters were being divisive.

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BFF2: Is the Supreme Leader Steve Bannon or Kelly Anne Conway?

BFF4: Both

BFF3: In Real Life Rey would have gotten with Kylo Ren married him and ruled the Galaxy. Because 53%. Because he’s not that gone. And she knows she could change him. And it’s about changing things from the inside and a seat at the table. And then she would be in a bad marriage.

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BFF1: And then she would ask the planets of Black female jedi and resistance fighters to come and save her.

BFF3: But she wouldn’t really ask, she would be like “Its your duty and responsibility as a woman to support me and take responsibilty for my bad choices.

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BFF2: And black female resistance fighters would be like.......

BFF1: And they would still go save her cause, black women

BFF3: And then when they were fighting and taking losses she would finally work up the nerve to kill kylo ren in his sleep.

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BFF1: Then she would take credit for ending the war. While giving the black female resistance fighters and jedi absolutely no credit.

Happy MLK Day Y’all. I hope you laughed as hard as me. 

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