Gawker published a piece titled "The Reality of Dating White Women When You're Black" which from the title is about interracial relationships specifically a Black man/white woman relationship from Ernest Baker. We discussed earlier on Thoughts on this Gawker MP article? about the overall mess that was published.
Baker seemed truthful but also defensive as he used the piece to barely examine his preference for dating white woman. BayAreachick summed up the piece perfectly by stating Baker could have just said:
"I date white women because they like me more than black women, even though there isn't really anything wrong with them, except they don't show me as much affection as white girls, even though they don't like me to meet their parents, but its cool though."
Interracial relationships (IRRs) are somewhat of a challenge to tackle. An author, in most articles, takes their own personal view instead of an objective view and tries to apply it as universal truth. So let me state upfront that this post is not about the reality of IRRs because in truth there are many different realities to IRRs. It is not to demonized Baker for the Gawker piece. Instead this is a write up of all the "SMDH" moments that came from Baker's post and collective feelings shared by some.
One of the most frustrating thing about this piece and others is that it often takes on a defensive stance of IRRs as if someone has been has been trying to run them down for being attracted to someone outside their race. The backlash towards Baker's piece was not the fact that he dates white Women but from the fact that he throws his fellow Black Women under the bus. He says in the second sentence that Black Women think he is a sellout. He goes on to say Black girls weren't into him because of he "wasn't on any of that thug shit." He goes on to include this tidbit:
It's nothing to walk past a random black woman on the street and get a death glare and maybe even overhear something like, "They're taking all of our men." I was out with my white girlfriend at The Graham in East Williamsburg sometime last year and a black woman came up to me and asked me why was I dating a white girl when she can't even get a man.
This author projected his own thoughts on Black Women he randomly encounters with his white girlfriend. I will repeat just in case you didn't fully understand earlier: NO ONE GIVES A FLYING FUCK OF SQUIRREL'S NUTS THAT YOU ARE DATING A WHITE PERSON OR ANYONE OUTSIDE YOUR RACE!
So listen, no one needs your reasons on how you are not like those others who are self-hating especially when you give evidence that you are just the same. No one wants to hear you say that you have treated Women of Color like sexual objects while placing value of commitment on white Women. No one needs you dismissing the plethora of Black Women who are nerdy, nice, and not looking for "thugs" just so you can "blame the negress" for all the fault and negative attention to your IRR. No one wants you to write a treatise on how you are not self hating when you haven't fully examine the roots of your preference especially when all you do is center everything around eurocentric standard of beauty.*
There is a way to write about IRRs without stepping on and removing the humanity of others. You can write about IRRs without projecting your thoughts onto others or resulting to harmful stereotypes. The side-eye you experience is not from the fact you have a significant other of a different race. No, that side-eye is from the fact you decided that everyone hates you because of your IRR. That side-eye you get from Black women is for making us seem less than. The thing is, no one is checking for you because no one cares.
*This paragraph is a sum of comments from the previous mentioned Bowl article that had similar viewpoints as me.